


Partners, Friends, Lovers?

by Lucy410



Category: due South
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:15:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29485863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucy410/pseuds/Lucy410
Summary: Ray is struggling with his feelings for Fraser, will a dangerous situation help him make up his mind?
Relationships: Benton Fraser/Ray Kowalski
Kudos: 14
Collections: Due South Archive





	Partners, Friends, Lovers?

The air was thick with smoke and Ray, head groggy, pushed himself up onto his hands and knees desperately trying to orientate himself. He couldn't remember where he was or what he had been doing here in the first place. 

/Did anyone else know where he was?/ 

Ray dug his hand into his jacket pocket but there was nothing there. To add insult to injury his gun was gone and, hand shaking, he found his back up weapon was also gone. 

/Guess calling for help is out of the question./ 

Maybe he shouldn't have told Fraser to leave him alone after all. 

________________  
EARLIER THAT DAY 

"You've had another one." 

He hadn't even picked up the envelope lying on his desk and Fraser was already pronouncing sentence. Really the man was just looking out for him and maybe that fact should have made him feel better but Ray had been struggling with his feelings for Fraser for quite a while now. And, after some rather explicit dreams, which always robbed him of sleep for the rest of the night, he was starting to feel a little uncomfortable whenever Fraser was around. 

"It might not be," Ray said, walking towards Fraser. If he hadn't of known better he might have thought that Fraser was also having trouble sleeping. 

"The handwriting is very distinctive and the stamp--" 

"All right." The words came out with a little more force than he had intended. Ray smiled, trying to clear the air between them. Fraser looking at him like that, all tenderness and concern, brought to his mind a vivid image of last night's dream and Ray groaned, /why did the Mountie have to be so damned hot?/ 

"I'm sorry, Ray." 

He'd expected Fraser to pick up the envelope but the Mountie was just staring at him instead. Ray tore his gaze away, he really didn't want Fraser to guess what he was thinking about. 

"It's just some nutcase." Ray leant past Fraser, so close he could smell the man's shampoo, and snagged the letter. "Here. You open it." 

Like the others it hadn't been sealed, and Ray was surprised it had made it through the Chicago postal system intact. 

Fraser was examining the envelope. "Canadian stamp but a Chicago post mark, that's interesting, don't you think?" 

"Just like all the others." Ray shoved his hands into his pockets to stop himself from snatching the letter back. "I wonder what this one says." 

He watched in silence as Fraser pulled the flap open and extracted the single sheet of paper that it held. Thick and creamy white, the paper was clearly expensive, the words on it though had been scrawled in black marker pen. 

"The same handwriting." Fraser frowned with concentration as he read the inscribed words. 

Ray saw the frown deepen and then, when Fraser glanced up, he saw the deep worry on the man's face. 

"Well?" 

"I think today might be a good day to devote to paperwork." 

"What does it say?" 

"That you should be careful and stay away from anything flammable." Fraser handed the letter to Ray. 

"If anything permanent was to happen to you, would anyone miss you?" It was the last sentence of the letter and Ray read it out loud. When he glanced up from the page, he knew he wasn't imagining the look on Fraser's face. 

"It's just some nut, Fraser. Someone trying to put the wind up the cops, same as usual." 

Fraser didn't respond, there was a look on his face that Ray had only seen a few times before, a combination of exasperation, worry and love. 

For a moment Ray's heart beat so loudly it was all he could hear and the squad room seemed to spin around him. He stuck a hand out to try and anchor himself against his desk but he found the solidity of Fraser instead. 

"Ray?" Gentle hands took hold of him and pressed him down into a chair. 

He looked up at Fraser, maybe it had been a mistake, maybe he'd imagined it, but no, there it was, clear as day on Fraser's face for anyone to see. Ray swallowed hard. 

He had felt so lost for such a long time, as though he were drifting through his own life, unanchored, pulled by whichever wind was blowing at that moment, but meeting Fraser had stopped that. Ray knew they were partners, friends even, but could they ever be anything more? This was the stupidest moment for the thought to strike. 

He could see Frannie, over by the door, chatting to one of the older detectives, and Huey was there too, phone balanced precariously on his shoulder as he hunted for something on his desk, /inspiration probably,/ a thought that made Ray grin. 

"Ray?" 

And there he was once again in the here and now, once again being drawn in by Fraser's eyes, surprised by the love in them, the love he didn't deserve. He felt sick. 

"It's nothing, Frase." 

"You should show it to Lieutenant Welsh." 

"Pointless," Ray growled, as he scrunched the offending piece of paper into a ball and dropped it into the trash can. 

He had half expected Fraser to reach in and retrieve the letter, but the Mountie didn't move, just stood stock still, staring at Ray, almost as though he were staring into Ray's soul. 

Seconds ticked by, Ray could actually hear them. The hubbub of noise that normally prevailed in the squad room had faded away and for a moment the world revolved for him only. 

"Ray---" 

Fraser looked as though he had something important to say, something that might change the dynamic between them forever. It wouldn't be good, Ray couldn't allow himself to think it would be anything good. 

/Not here, Fraser. Please not here./ 

"Don't you have work to do?" Ray regretted the words instantly. They came out in a tone he had not intended to use and Ray saw the hurt in Fraser's eyes. 

"Yes, of course." There was an indefinable look in Fraser's eyes, just for a moment, and then the man turned away, looking for his wolf. 

Diefenbaker was sitting by Dewey's desk, the detective was eating a cheese sandwich and doing his best to ignore the drooling wolf. 

"Dief!" 

For his pains Fraser was ignored, Diefenbaker unwilling to take his eyes off that sandwich for even a moment. 

"Ingrate," Fraser muttered the word under his breath and Ray knew it was aimed at Diefenbaker, so why did he feel like it was meant for him? 

"I'll have to leave him here." Fraser turned back towards Ray. His hat was sitting atop a pile of paperwork and Fraser picked it up, turning it over in his hands as though unwilling to actually put it on. 

"Ray..." 

/I wonder how many more times he's going to say that./ He felt disloyal the moment he thought the words. 

"I'm concerned, about those letters, about you." Fraser had stopped fiddling with his hat. "Promise me you'll stay here today." 

"You're gonna leave Dief to keep an eye on me?" Ray wasn't sure if that made him angry or not. 

Fraser smiled. "I'm not sure I have much choice." The man tilted his head to one side. "You haven't by the way." 

"Haven't what?" 

"Promised that you'll stay here." 

"I'm not a kid, Fraser." 

"I'm not saying you are, Ray. It's just... I worry about you, I---" 

"Time's a wastin', Frase. You don't want to make Thatcher mad." Ray really didn't want Fraser to finish that sentence. 

"I..." 

"Fraser, leave, okay. I'll be fine." 

Fraser opened his mouth as though he wanted to say something else, but then he put his hat on his head, took one last look at Diefenbaker who was practically sitting on Dewey's lap, and left the squad room. 

Ray sat and waited, fully convinced that Fraser would come back with an excuse as to why he should stay, but when there was no sign of the Mountie returning, Ray gave a small sigh and settled down to his backlog of paperwork. 

Again and again he found his gaze drawn to the trash can. Checking to make sure no one was watching Ray reached down and retrieved the crumpled up letter. 

He smoothed it out on his desk and re-read the short message. It was the third letter he had received in as many days and he was sure that it was just someone with too much time on their hands. But Fraser, Fraser seemed to think it was something more, Ray couldn't decide if that fact should worry him. 

So much had changed since Fraser had entered his life. On the surface nothing significant seemed to have occurred but underneath there was a whole universe of new emotions that Ray was more than a little scared of and Fraser's protectiveness over these letters wasn't helping. 

"It's nothing," Ray muttered the words under his breath and he crumpled the letter and tossed it back into the can.  
______ 

Time always seemed to crawl when he was doing paperwork so Ray was quite happy when the telephone sitting next to him started to ring. 

"Vecchio... hi, Marie... she didn't say what it was about?... yeah, I'll be there... yeah, I'm leaving now... bye." 

Ray frowned as he pushed his chair back. For a moment his hand hovered over the telephone. Should he call Fraser, let him know where he was going? 

"Stupid," he chided himself. He was only going to meet Stella, although he had no idea what she wanted. Her assistant Marie had told him that he ought to know, but he didn't, he really didn't. 

Still frowning Ray grabbed his jacket and bounded from the squad room, he'd already forgotten about the discarded letter.  
_______ 

It was odd though, Stella wanting to meet him here, a small office building just two blocks from the 27th. Normally when Stella wanted to communicate something to him she would insist they meet in a public place. Early on he'd decided this was to make sure he wouldn't do anything stupid, like begging her to take him back. Although it had been quite a while now since he had done that. He still loved Stella but he wasn't in love with her anymore. No, he was after all in love with a completely different person, and just thinking those thoughts made Ray nervous. 

"Detective Kowalski." 

It was Marie, Stella's assistant, standing at the top of the short flight of steps leading up to the building. 

"Where's Stella?" 

"Waiting inside. She's quite upset." 

Magic words that propelled Ray up the stairs and into the building and then blackness. 

_______  
Ray groaned and shaky fingers probed the back of his skull, coming away covered in blood. As injuries went it wasn't the worst he had ever had, but the memory loss was worrying, as was the smell of smoke, growing stronger in his nostrils. 

He coughed and pulled himself to his feet. The room was dark, although there was a pool of light by the door and there was a figure there, for a moment he thought it was Stella but, although the woman did have blonde hair, she was much shorter. 

/God, I really should have listened to Fraser./ 

"Marie?" Things were starting to come back to him, a deluge of memories that made him want to cry out. 

"Welcome back, Detective. How are you feeling?" 

"Like someone hit me over the head." 

Marie giggled. 

"Was it you? You do realise this building's on fire?" 

"You were warned, you can't say I didn't warn you." There was an edge of madness in the woman's voice. 

"You sent those letters? Why?" Once again Ray's fingers sought out the blood on the back of his head, Fraser was going to have something to say about this. /Will I get to see Fraser again?/ The thought that he might not put a cold feeling in his stomach. 

"I thought the Canadian stamps were a nice touch, don't you? They added a touch of mystery to the whole thing. I knew you'd like them." The woman paused and then said, "You think you're so irresistible, don't you? Stella could never find anyone better than you, could she?" 

"I've never thought that," Ray protested. Suddenly angry, he growled, "What would you know about it?" 

"Oh, Stella talks to me all the time. I know about all the stupid things you've done." 

"There haven't been that many." Certainly not since Fraser came along, not since he realised that his feelings for the Mountie were a lot more complicated than they should have been. The last time he'd stalked Stella had been... well, that time he'd helped her hadn't he? Didn't that mean he had evened the score? 

"I can't keep track of the times that she's said she wishes you'd just drop dead. Yesterday..." 

Marie droned on but Ray had stopped listening. The smell of smoke was stronger now, grey tendrils curling their way past the door frame, reaching out for him. 

His stomach roiled, what chance did he have? If everything Marie said was true --- and okay the woman was clearly a psychopath but he didn't doubt that Stella had said those things, had said them often enough to his face in the dying days of their marriage --- then what right did he have to expect anyone to love him? Ray hung his head and slowly collapsed downwards. 

He could hear someone coughing and realised it was him. The smoke was so thick now that he could no longer see across to where Marie had been standing, maybe she'd gone, secure in the knowledge that he would shortly be doing exactly as she thought Stella wanted and dying. 

Perhaps after all things would be better if he died. He couldn't say he had made anything much of his life lately and really there was no one around to miss him, not really. 

Rolling onto his back, Ray stared up at the ribbons of smoke swirling above him. If he concentrated he could force them into patterns, force them into the faces of all the people he knew. Lieutenant Welsh, Huey, Stella and then the one face he knew the best, Fraser. 

Ray groaned. Fraser would not want him to give in, Fraser would want him to fight. 

Okay, so the door didn't offer an escape route but there must be windows, access to the outside. Keeping as low down as possible Ray began to crawl across the floor. 

There, the cool firmness of glass and Ray reached out, tracing his fingers up and across the pane, searching and praying that there would be a catch. 

Of course there was nothing, not at floor level, but the window extended upwards and Ray realised he was going to have to stand up. The smoke would be thicker and his time would be very limited. 

Ray took a breath and pushed himself up onto his feet. Desperate fingers scrambled against the glass, grasping round the edges. 

Finally he found the catch, and Ray worried at it for a few anxious moments. It popped open and air, blessed fresh air, hit Ray in the face. Eyes stinging Ray could make out a narrow balcony and he edged out onto it, pulling the window closed behind him. 

His legs were shaking and he clung onto the railing, trying to hold himself upright. He coughed and coughed, tremors shaking his body, forcing up the contents of his stomach, until he felt as raw inside as he did outside. 

"Ray." 

He was so far gone he thought he could hear Fraser calling his name. 

"Ray." 

/There it was again./ 

Ray shook his head and coughed, his lungs felt like they were burning. 

"Ray." 

The sound wasn't just in his head, he realised, but was coming from somewhere below him. Ray, head spinning, took a tighter hold of the railing and peered over. 

There was Fraser, red tunic a vivid splash of colour against the grey of the building. 

/He must be a coupla floors below me./ 

"Fraser, the building's on fire." The strain of projecting his voice made him cough again. 

"I know that, Ray. I've come to get you out." 

"How did you know where I was?" 

"Diefenbaker. He's very fond of you, you know." 

/Yeah, like someone else I know./ But the wolf liking him wasn't half as scary as Fraser liking him, really liking him, in the Biblical sense. 

Ray could feel his cheeks getting red, even though there was no way Fraser could make out his expression, or at least he hoped there wasn't. 

"So, what's the plan?" He hoped Fraser had one, Ray still couldn't think straight and he was feeling too woozy to fight his way back through all the smoke. 

"You're going to jump." 

It wasn't the suggestion that surprised Ray, more the matter of fact tone it was delivered in. 

"No way, Frase." 

Ray, you have to. I can't get through to you. You'll have to jump." 

"No. No way." Ray could feel his heart pounding. /There must be another way./ 

"I'll catch you." 

Again that ultra factual tone as though they were discussing the weather or where they should have lunch. 

"Ray. Trust me. You just have to step over the railing and let yourself fall. I'll catch you." 

Fraser's voice, steady and calm, rooting him, just like always. 

/Of course I trust you./ 

Ray didn't say the words out loud, instead he hoisted himself over the safety railing and simply let go. 

A moment of absolute bowel loosening terror later and he found himself swinging in Fraser's grasp. 

Ray opened his eyes and looked up. Fraser, dark hair disordered and blue eyes full of tenderness, smiled at Ray and then started to haul him upwards. 

Together the two men tumbled back through the window, Fraser's arms locked around Ray. 

Ray couldn't move, there was no strength left in his body. When Fraser finally released the hold he had on him, Ray flopped over like a rag doll. He could feel his consciousness slipping away from him and the last thing he remembered seeing were Fraser's concerned eyes looking into his. 

__________ 

"Feeling better?" 

"I can still smell smoke." Ray shrugged. "Otherwise I wish they'd let me go home." 

Welsh ran a hand over his grizzled head and stepped into Ray's room. "Where's Fraser?" 

"Standing guard." Ray grinned. 

"I came to update you. They found a body." 

"Her?" Part of Ray felt bad for wishing that it was, but the woman had tried to kill him after all. 

"Too early to say, but it's likely. You two were the only people on that floor of the building. Maybe this thing is over." Welsh turned to leave, but he turned back at the doorway. "You should have told me, about those letters." 

"Sir, I..." 

Welsh waved a hand in the air. "It's done now. Take care of yourself." Welsh nodded at the man. 

Watching him leave Ray wondered why the lieutenant had come all this way to tell him in person. The information could have been conveyed as easily through one of the uniforms that Welsh had placed on every floor of the hospital. 

"Ray!" 

It was Fraser, out of uniform but he still looks good, Ray thought. For once Fraser's normally immaculate hair looked disordered as though the Mountie had been running his hands through his hair, over and over. When he looked at Ray there was an apology in his eyes. 

"We should talk and I want to apologise." 

"You?" 

"For leaving Diefenbaker to keep an eye on you." 

Ray shrugged. "Given recent events I'm glad you did. But you know I never actually promised to stay put." 

"That's exactly why I left Diefenbaker. " Fraser smiled but the expression behind the smile was full of remembered fear. "When I saw the building was on fire I thought I'd lost you." 

It would have been the most natural thing in the world to reach out and take Fraser's hand, so why didn't he? 

"Ray." He could see the words hovering on Fraser's lips, knew that once spoken they could never be taken back again. 

"And if you had lost me?" Ray prompted, trying to distract Fraser. 

A look of desolation crossed the man's face. "I don't know." 

A silence descended between them and Ray watched in fascination as Fraser started to worry at the hair on his head. /Leave it much longer and he's going to start pulling it out./ 

"Ray." Fraser put his hands down and turned so that he was exactly opposite the blond detective. "I'm not very good at this," he admitted. "And there has only been one other occasion when I've felt this way, so I can't say I have a lot of experience in this particular area, but there's something I need to tell you, something I should have told you some time ago." 

"Frase," Ray interrupted, well aware that Fraser might ramble on for ever, rather than get to the point. 

Fraser looked at him and suddenly Ray knew, he knew for the first time without any doubt that Fraser loved him, that Fraser was about to declare he was in love with Ray. 

The cold feeling intensified in Ray's stomach. /It's for his own good, it is./ 

"Fraser, I can't let you tell me." Ray made himself look at his friend as he spoke, watched the myriad of emotions crossing Fraser's face. "I'm no good, Frase. I'm not worth it, I'm not worth your love. You can't see it now, but you will. I'll screw it up, I always do." 

There, he'd said it and he hung his head. He couldn't stand to see the look on Fraser's face, but more than that he didn't ever want Fraser to look at him the way Stella looked at him. He didn't think he would survive that. 

"Ray." 

He didn't want to look at Fraser, wasn't sure what he would see there, but the appeal that he could hear in that single word changed his mind. 

/Shit!/ The love in Fraser's eyes, the love he knew he didn't deserve, was still there. 

"What do you want, Ray?" 

But it wasn't a question of what he wanted, what he wanted was what Fraser wanted, the love that the two men had been inexorably heading towards since their first meeting. 

/No./ Ray shook his head, this wasn't about what he wanted, this was about what he deserved. 

"I want us to carry on being friends." Ray gestured with his hands. "I need time." A whole lifetime probably, but he couldn't tell Fraser that. 

"Understood." Fraser nodded but Ray wasn't really sure the Mountie did understand. 

Now he felt like the worst person in the world for hurting Fraser, even if he had done his best to avoid it. He stifled a yawn and the look on concern on Fraser's face was back. 

"You need rest." Fraser backed away into the doorway. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. I'll leave you to sleep." 

Ray wanted to say something to stop him from leaving but he couldn't think of anything that wouldn't give Fraser false hope and he really was very tired. 

________ 

He'd fallen asleep in a blink of an eye and he came back to consciousness just as quickly, aware that someone had just entered his room. 

"Fraser?" 

He blinked sleep heavy eyes, the figure was too slight to be Fraser and the hair was blonde. 

Fear brought him upright in an instant but then he saw it was Stella, looking at him with that way she had so he couldn't tell whether or not she was upset with him. 

"I didn't mean to wake you." 

She was wearing a very neat, very expensive trouser suit and must have come straight from work. 

"Sleep in here is odd, they never turn the lights off." 

She ignored that comment, just like she ignored everything she didn't like. "How are you?" 

"Not bad for someone who was almost burnt to death." His tone was flippant and Stella turned away from him. 

"It was silly of me to be worried." She walked to the chair at the side of his bed and sank down into it. 

There was silence between them, awkward like it always was, replete with the things that both of them wanted to say, but never would. 

Eventually Stella sighed. "I saw Fraser on my way here. He's standing by the stairwell as though he's on guard." 

Mention of Fraser made Ray smile. "I thought he'd gone back to the consulate." 

"I wanted to apologise." 

"Apologise? What for?" Stella never said she was sorry. 

"For my part in what happened. For telling Marie that..." Her voice trailed off. 

"My fault for being insufferable, for being the stereotypical ex-husband." 

He noticed that Stella made no attempt to argue with him, he would have smiled but it wasn't really that funny. 

"Why Fraser?" 

The sudden change of topic made him feel dizzy. 

"He's my partner, we're friends." 

"Barbara says he's all you talk about, on the few occasions that she can actually get you to answer the phone." 

Ray shrugged. "I've been busy." 

"It's just... I..." Stella was blushing. "I never thought you'd be attracted to men." 

Now it was Ray's turn to feel his face grow hot. "I'm not." She would think he was lying. "It's not men I'm attracted to, just Fraser." He looked at her, straight in the eyes, while he confessed, wondering if she would let any sign of censure show. "How did you know?" 

Stella smiled. "The way you look at him. You used to look at me like that." 

"It doesn't matter. Nothing's gonna happen between me and Fraser. I don't deserve him." Ray let himself flop back on the pillows. "He's too good for me." 

"He's good for you, I know that." Stella stood up, glancing at her watch. "I have to go." 

"Hot date?" 

"Not tonight, no." Stella paused and then she sat down again, perching herself right on the edge of the chair. "Ray, please don't let the past destroy your future. Don't write yourself off. Just because we couldn't make things work doesn't mean you couldn't if the right person for you comes along." 

"You think that's Fraser?" 

"I do actually." Stella smiled. 

He watched her leave and then lay down to exhausted to really process what she had said. 

____________ 

Somehow he'd managed to sleep a full twelve hours, he hadn't done that since he was a kid. And there was Fraser, asleep in the chair next to him. 

/He looks exhausted./ 

He hadn't heard Fraser coming back into his room last night, had fallen asleep pretty much the moment Stella had left. He'd had a really odd dream as well, no naked hijinks in this one, just him and Fraser reading their wedding vows while Stella looked on approvingly. Somehow he felt more disquieted by that dream than he had by any of those in which he had dreamt that he and Fraser had sex. 

"Morning." 

Fraser's eyes flickered open and it was obviously taking the man a little time to focus. He shifted in his chair and Ray saw the pained look on Fraser's face. 

"Hurt your back?" 

"These chairs were not designed for a restful night's sleep." Fraser stood up and stretched, Ray wincing when he heard the man's joints crack. 

"You didn't have to stay." That sounded ungrateful so Ray hastened to add, "I'm glad you did but I'm not in danger any more." 

"I should go back to the consulate and check on Diefenbaker." Fraser looked conflicted and Ray hurried to remove the conflict, he couldn't bear to see Fraser like that. 

"And maybe you could call into the 27th. Frannie lent me a book and I stupidly promised that I would read it. Seeing as Welsh will have me cooling my heels for a few days I thought I might make a start on it." 

Fraser nodded. "Anything else?" 

"I think I'm going to get discharged today. I'll give you a call once I'm home." Fraser looked like he was going to say something so Ray added, "How hard can it be, Frase? Hospital to apartment, I'll be fine." 

Fraser nodded but there was a look of intense concern on the man's face. 

"Frase, I'll be fine." 

_______ 

It had taken him longer to get away from the consulate than he'd intended. Inspector Thatcher had demanded he help her search for some misplaced paperwork and, despite his misgivings about leaving Ray alone, he had done as she asked. 

By the time he made it to the precinct the sun was already heading towards the horizon. He would collect the book and then head to Ray's apartment. Plan made Fraser beckoned to Diefenbaker, and the man and wolf made their way inside. 

The book was prominently displayed on Ray's desk and Fraser picked it up, turning it over so that he could read the description on the back. To be honest he wasn't sure that Ray would make it to the end of the first chapter. 

The thought of Ray giving up on the book in disgust made him smile. 

"Constable, a word if you would be so kind." 

Still clutching the book Fraser followed Lieutenant Welsh into his office. 

"There's no easy way to say this, Constable, but the body found in the building was male." 

"Male?" Fraser felt himself struggling to grasp the implications of what he was being told. Since Ray had responded so badly to his confession, he had been struggling to concentrate. Did Ray's rejection mean there was no hope of them ever being more than friends, or was there perhaps a chance that Ray would change his mind? Fraser didn't know and there was nobody he could ask. 

"Whoever died in that fire it wasn't Marie Piper." 

"She's still out there." Fraser let the book fall from his hand. 

"Don't worry. She won't be able to get near the hospital." 

Fraser's stomach was churning and he could feel Diefenbaker's cold nose pressed against his leg, the wolf knew there was something wrong. 

"Ray's being discharged, he may be back at his apartment already." 

"Then we have a problem, Constable." Welsh ran a hand across his head and scowled. "Time to call in the troops." 

_______ 

She had been following him for some time now. Her initial plan had been to finish the job at the hospital but she couldn't get near the place. So she watched and she waited. She saw the uniforms leaving and then the man she'd been waiting for, the man she despised, and knew she was going to get a second chance. 

/Damn./ The cab he'd been in was still driving ahead of her but the man was no longer in it. She just managed to spot him going into a supermarket and she pulled over, wrenching the wheel and abandoning her car in the middle of the street. 

The supermarket was quiet, she had already tuned out the music playing and concentrated instead on closing the distance between her and Ray. He wasn't buying much by the looks of things, mostly alcohol and she frowned, no wonder Stella had divorced him. 

He was at the checkout, wrestling his card out of his wallet when he saw her. He had turned round too quickly for her to duck out of sight. 

"Damn." The exclamation earned her a startled glance from the store employee stacking the shelves on the other side of the aisle, but she didn't have time to worry about that. Ray was already leaving, his shopping abandoned by the cash register.  
Why hadn't she been more careful? 

Where would he go? His apartment was only a couple of blocks away, that would be the obvious place. She doubted he would have replaced his phone so he wouldn't be able to call for help and his guns... well, they were stashed away in her purse, so he wouldn't be able to defend himself either. She smiled. 

Even as these thoughts were filling her head, she was heading for the exit. Time to finish this. 

______ 

Ray put his head down and walked as quickly as he could. He resisted the urge to break into a run, that would draw attention to himself and he wanted to blend in, maybe if she lost sight of him she would give up. 

Perhaps he should try and get a cab, go to the precinct and take shelter there. But Marie had a very large, very busy bee in her bonnet about him and he doubted she would give up that easily. It would have to be his apartment. Fraser would come looking for him there. Fraser had to come looking for him there. 

A doorway loomed to his left and Ray ducked into it for a moment. He crouched, letting his head fall forward while he panted, struggling to draw a breath into his smoke-damaged lungs. He was only a block away now, if he could get there first, maybe he might be able to hold her off, at least until the cavalry arrived. 

His head swam and Ray stuck out a hand, leaning on the stone arch of the doorway he pulled himself to his feet and carried on walking, slower this time and fighting the urge to keep looking back over his shoulder  
He wouldn't be able to see her anyway, not in the gathering gloom and certainly not until it was too late. 

Maybe he should stop, face her here, get it over with. Ray shook his head. It was the thought of Fraser that kept him moving, Fraser would expect him to be at his apartment, and there would be less people there, fewer innocents who might be at risk when she shot him. 

As he walked Ray felt automatically for his gun but of course it wasn't there. It was weird to be out without it, that extra piece of reassurance. Of course that thought led him back to Fraser, he had got so used to the Mountie being by his side that it felt all kinds of wrong when he wasn't. Maybe when this was all over he could think about talking to Fraser, perhaps opening up to his friend would help heal him, maybe it might make him worthy of Fraser's love. 

He had been so lost in his thoughts that he didn't realise he was home. His apartment block loomed on just the other side of the street, almost there. 

"Detective Kowalski." 

The voice, the female voice, hailed him just as he was about to let himself into the building and Ray spun round. The light above the front door, unreliable at the best of times, flared into life and Ray would have glared at it, except he was already struggling to see. 

"Lit up like a target," he muttered, preparing himself to dive sideways if he heard the crack of a gun firing. 

"You won't escape this time. I'm going to make sure you're dead." 

Ray let his breath out as the light above him winked out. He could make out a faint figure just a short distance away. 

/She must be trying to get closer, give herself a better chance of hitting me./ 

Then he felt a cold nose against his hand. Ray let out a ragged breath, Diefenbaker. And if Diefenbaker was here... 

"You don't have to do this, you know." 

Fraser, his voice loud and clear. Ray straightened up from his crouch, now Fraser was in danger too, would Marie shoot him or was her murderous focus only on him? Ray hoped so, he really hoped so. 

"I do, actually. Men like him are nothing but parasites." 

"Ray Kowlaski is a good man." 

Boy, did it sound odd to hear Fraser saying his name, his real name, he had gotten so used to everyone calling him Vecchio, so much so that sometimes he wasn't really sure who he was anymore. Ray almost grinned, this really was the wrong time to be having philosophical thoughts. 

There was no response to Fraser's statement and Ray shifted his feet, how was he supposed to know where she was if she didn't say anything? 

"More than that he is a good police officer. Every day he puts himself in danger for this community, would you take that away from them?" 

Fraser's voice was moving. Ray was sure he was close by, but when he tried to move Diefenbaker grabbed the corner of his jacket to hold him in place. 

"There are plenty of other cops out there." 

Her voice was close too, but coming from the opposite direction to Fraser's. Ray ground his teeth and wished for his gun. 

"But they're not Ray Kowalski." Fraser's next words were spoken in a regretful tone, "I won't let you hurt him." 

"There's precious little you can do to stop me." Marie definitely sounded closer now. "You're not even armed." 

"Very true." 

Ray could see Fraser now, the Mountie had stopped under a streetlight, making himself a target. Ray frowned but Diefenbaker was still holding him. Then he realised he could see Marie as well, she was closer to Fraser than he would have liked and she had a gun in her left hand. He wanted to call out, do something to draw her attention away from Fraser, but he was frozen, couldn't move, couldn't speak. 

Then Diefenbaker barked a warning and Ray saw Marie turn towards him, raising her left hand as she did so, but a moment later the sound of a single shot rang out and the woman collapsed. 

His legs were shaking and then they collapsed altogether. From his vantage point he could just make out Marie's body, crumpled, like him, on the ground. 

/But at least I'm alive./ 

There was another figure with Fraser now, it was Welsh, and Ray could also see the vague forms of uniformed officers, all moving towards the downed woman. With an effort he rolled onto his back, he didn't want to see that woman anymore. Diefenbaker settled at his side with a small sigh and Ray used the last of his strength to ruffle the wolf's fur in thanks. 

"Ray. Ray." 

There was fear in Fraser's voice and Ray forced himself to answer, although he couldn't hide the tremor in his voice. "I'm here, Frase." 

"I thought I'd lost you." 

"I'm not easy to kill, you know that, Frase." 

"Is that supposed to reassure me?" 

He couldn't see Fraser's face but his ears picked out the faint quiver, anyone else would have missed it. 

"Are you hurt?" 

Ray shook his head, but then, remembering that Fraser wouldn't be able to see it, he said, "No." 

It wasn't entirely true, the race to get to his apartment before Marie had left his lungs on fire and his legs like lead, but he didn't think Fraser was asking about that and so his answer wasn't a lie, not really. 

"Vecchio," the word growled out by Welsh would normally have been enough to bring Ray to his feet, but he couldn't summon the energy. 

"I'm all right, sir." 

"You need to go back to the hospital." 

Ray wasn't sure if that was a question or a statement. "No." He hoped that Fraser would back him up, he really didn't want to go back to the hospital. 

"I can look after him, Lieutenant." 

"Fine. But don't leave him." 

"I'll be fine." Ray rasped out the words while trying to stifle a cough, but Welsh just grunted. 

"Keep a close eye, Constable." 

"Yes, sir." Against the darkness Ray could make out Welsh walking away, just as that damned light popped back on. Ray really would have liked to see Fraser's face. 

"Can you stand?" 

/Silly question, Frase./ Ray pushed himself up, his legs reluctant to take his weight, but Fraser, always there when he needed him, stepped in to offer support. He was leaning on Fraser more than he would like to admit while he struggled to open the door. 

Getting up the stairs and along the landing to his apartment felt like an endurance race and Ray had never been quite so glad to see his couch before. 

"What ya doing?" 

Fraser was crouched down at his feet. 

"Taking your boots off." 

"Oh." He meant to say something else but then he doubled up coughing. When he finally stopped his stomach felt bruised and he let his head fall backwards. Fraser had fetched him a blanket, it was looped over his legs. 

"Frase?" He could barely get the word out, his throat was so raw. 

"Here." 

One solid arm sliding around his shoulders. 

"Drink this, small sips." 

Fraser was holding a glass to his lips. The water was deliciously cool and soothing. 

"Thanks." 

"You should rest. Do you want to go to bed?" 

"With you?" The words were out before he could stop them. He really wanted to open his eyes, see if Fraser was blushing, but fatigue was weighing on his eyelids. 

He felt the couch shift beneath him as Fraser settled himself down. "I thought that wasn't an option." Fraser's tone was light but even as tired as he was, Ray could hear the tension behind the words. 

What could he say to that? All the reasons he'd invented to hold Fraser at arms length had disappeared into mist. Maybe he wasn't good enough for Fraser but then again maybe he should let Fraser decide that for himself. 

Ray reached out and found Fraser's hand, it was warm, and Ray curled his fingers around it like he would never let go. He heard Fraser's intake of breath. 

"Funny thing about almost dying," his voice was hoarse, didn't sound like him at all, but he persisted. In the morning he might not have enough courage to say what needed to be said and, leaving aside everything else, Fraser deserved the truth. 

"You need sleep, Ray. We can talk tomorrow." 

"Gotta do this now, Frase." Ray forced his eyes open long enough to see the expression on Fraser's face, it was enough to give him all the courage he needed. 

"Thing is, what I said in the hospital was true. I'm not good enough for you, but maybe I could be, if I give us a chance." Ray could feel himself sliding towards sleep. "What I'm saying is..." Ray sighed, unable to marshal his thoughts any longer. He thought he must have dozed, for how long he didn't know but he could still feel Fraser's body next to his when he felt consciousness return, so it couldn't have been that long. 

"Will you be here tomorrow?" 

He wasn't sure he'd spoken out loud but Fraser answered him anyway. 

"Yes." 

"And the day after that?" 

"If you'll have me." 

"Cos that's what partners do?" 

"That's what friends do." 

He was almost asleep now but he could feel Fraser's fingers tightening on his. 

"And lovers?" 

He barely mumbled the words but despite that, the last thing Ray felt was Fraser pressing a kiss onto his forehead and the murmured words, "Yes, Ray, and lovers."

End


End file.
